*sigh*

So yesterday i found out my uncle Johnny Died. A man in his fifties, with a teenage son, it hardly seems fair for God to take him home so soon. He never got to see his son graduate, or go to college. I dont see the justice in that. I am not going to say i am made at God because ultimatly i know that his ways are perfect, but humanly it doesnt seem fair.
Mom and her two sisters and thier mother all flew out to BC today for the funeral. My love and prayers go with them. He was the oldest, thier big brother. I considered making Johnny cake tonight in memory but i didnt have the ingredients. I wonder tonight if he and Grampy and david are all cruisin around in a big truck with the dog, gettin a coffee at Heaven's 'version of the Irving like true Wallace men. I dont know where i stand on that issue, recognition of ppl in heaven. Its a cool thought though.
This is the 2nd death for me in less then a month. I honestly dont think i can handle loosing another loved one anytime soon. I think i might break if it happens. Anyway i should go, i have some stuff to do b4 bed. I need to go early 'so i am not totally beat at 545 tomorrow am when the alarm goes off.
Love ya!

The Truth

I recieved and email last night from my regular ride to church saying they would be unable to drive me, but gave me an alternate # to try. I could have easily said "To hec with it.. i want the time to sleep in, and TECHNIQLY" my ride couldnt take me" I decided though to give the other # a try, no answer, still could've left it at that and slept in. I did however leave a message. A morning phone call from this family got me up and off to church. I arrived to church to find that God had plans for me to be there, i needed to here what Pastor Jim was speaking about. He talked about the person who says "i dont fit in here.. i dont belong" well that was me. I had let satan talk myself into believing that no one really cared if a came there or not, and anyone who did just wanted me there for the number it would add to the attendence. I had myself believing that no one cared about ME. Wow did that ever change today. THREE ppl came up to me and told me they were praying for me or that they would pray for me r/t the things going on in my life right now and the needs that i have. WOW. I never didnt go to church because of these thoughts, but i could see how if left to his own devices satan could very well had lead me away, to maybe church hop, or worse yet get disconnected all together. SCAREY THOUGHT. Whew, ok so bottem line, church rocked today and although there really isnt a lot going on for ppl my age sadly, i need to stay connected as best i can so that satan doesnt get permission to prey on me.
Love to All!